Wow - has it really been two months since I last blogged? I don't have a great track record so far, do I. Work, ministry and finding times to hang out with my husband took up most of my precious hours these past weeks.
But even though I haven't been writing, I have been thinking, which has caused me to want to write.
I'm finding as I live life that many people don't think. Now, I could never say that to an individual, because, of course, some sort of altercation might ensue, be it verbal or physical. Most would stand with both feet firmly planted and say, "You are quite wrong! I do, indeed, think!".
But I fear that what they call thinking is merely a processing of facts, emotions, or circumstances; going in one ear and out the other. They seem to say, "Oh, yes I just totally lost my temper with my spouse," or "I watched tv again instead of answering God's obvious call to be in prayer," or "I have been worrying so much about my child that I am bordering on being unable to function in my other relationships." They process the information that comes at them, but there seems to be little or no change. (I say this b/c their lives continue in a cycle of destruction and darkness that I know from God's word would not happen if they were submitting to His work in their life.) Instead of saying, "Oh, yes, I just totally lost my temper with my spouse. Wow, that does not line up with the heart of God. God, please help me not to do that again and show me how I can be more patient and generous. I don't know how I'm going to do this but I'm going to call my mom/sister/friend right now and ask her to hold me accountable and to encourage me." They leave it at the first sentence, merely giving some small mental assent only to the fact that they indeed lose their temper or worry.
May I pose that this is insufficient?
From what I see in scripture, we are called to far more than just processing data. We are called to analyze those feelings and thoughts that result from our daily lives (be they wonderful or terrible) and see if they are in line with God's heart and plan.
We are called to dig deeply into our reactions to our circumstances and hold up what we've found down there, letting our Creator's light shine all over so that we may hand it to Him so He can change it.
We are called to lay flat our emotions on His workbench and submit as he sands, files, scrapes, or hammers away at anything that is not like His Son.
And in that is our safety and joy and hope and life's most amazing adventures.
I believe that is thinking - engaging with our Maker in every aspect of our mind, heart, body, surroundings, relationships, etc. Etc.
Let me encourage you to think more about your life and not settle for your momentary emotional reactions to things. Stop saying, "This is just how I am" as you give in to one thing after another instead of standing with both feet firmly planted and say, "No! I am going to think about this! I am going to engage Christ and allow Him access to all the places in my heart!"
Then you look into His face and into His precious Word, and allow Him the 5 minutes or 95 years to deal with whatever He finds as you open yourself up to Him.
Think, dear sister. Think.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sick Day
Hello, Reader(s). Sorry it's been a while. I've been working at a medical clinic in town for a few weeks and then we took some of our youth kids down to Vancouver on a mission's trip. It went really well, but my husband and I got horribly sick. When we told the kids that we are all supposed to share the things God has brought into our lives with others, we didn't mean the little bugs they were picking up along the way.
Flu.
But we've been hanging out here around the house... watching movies and Corner Gas. But we're feeling a little bit better today and are hoping to do some things around the house. We'll see what that entails and I'm sure there will still be some sitting around as we are both hacking up our lungs every ten minutes or so.
I'm hoping today will be an enjoyable day together nonetheless. It's easy to take things for granted or be miserable (believe me, we were miserable Monday-Wednesday) instead of taking opportunities to just allow for something fun. We may not have the most fun we've ever had all piled up and crammed into this one day, but (I just sneezed twice) I'm at least going to try and make it a nice day for my sickly husband and my pitiful self. :)
Flu.
But we've been hanging out here around the house... watching movies and Corner Gas. But we're feeling a little bit better today and are hoping to do some things around the house. We'll see what that entails and I'm sure there will still be some sitting around as we are both hacking up our lungs every ten minutes or so.
I'm hoping today will be an enjoyable day together nonetheless. It's easy to take things for granted or be miserable (believe me, we were miserable Monday-Wednesday) instead of taking opportunities to just allow for something fun. We may not have the most fun we've ever had all piled up and crammed into this one day, but (I just sneezed twice) I'm at least going to try and make it a nice day for my sickly husband and my pitiful self. :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Shelter
Today I just wanted to share something that the Lord really blessed me with. It's from a super old book from the early 70's about marriage. ("Super old" might not be the appropriate term...) It's called "I Married You" by Walter Trobisch. I had never heard of it but someone had lent it to my husband, and while I was waiting for him the other day, I saw it on his desk, picked it up and started reading. It's not a long book, but it was pretty interesting. Growing up in the church I had heard a lot of what the author was proposing about marriage, but he had some fresh approaches and ideas that I appreciated. I'm not going to give a summary of the book here, but I did want to point out a very cool scripture that he uses in the book while talking about how 1) God is our shelter and save place and 2) sometimes he also provides a shelter called marriage. (For others who aren't married, God is their complete shelter and it is amazing!)
The Word of God:
Isaiah 4:2-6 NIV "2 In that day the Branch of the Lord will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel. 3 Those who are left in Zion, who remain in Jerusalem, will be called holy, all who are recorded among the living in Jerusalem. 4 The Lord will wash away the filth of the women of Zion; he will cleanse the bloodstains from Jerusalem by a spirit of judgment and a spirit of fire. 5 Then the Lord will create over all of Mount Zion and over those who assemble there a cloud of smoke by day and a glow of flaming fire by night; over all the glory will be a canopy. 6 It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain. "
I just found that so beautiful and powerful. The Branch of the Lord is referring ultimately to Christ - how amazing that He covers us. And over all the glory of his fruit, being called holy, cleansing, being filled with the Spirit, and His leading "will be a canopy". His very presence that covers and sustains and protects us. God did a lot of work in my heart just from reading these verses and I keep coming back to it. Read these words for yourself and ask God to let them sink into your heart. Ask Him to plant a seed that will keep growing and changing and flourishing as you walk with Him in this particular knowledge of Him being our covering and shelter and safe place.
I love Him and His word.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Giving a Hoot
My husband has been really encouraging me lately in my writing. Well, he has always been encouraging even when I was avoiding it like the plague. Through his promptings and the Holy Spirit's, I started really writing in earnest about two years ago. And since then he has been my biggest (no, he's not fat) supporter.
Last night while we were out for dessert (remember how he owed me big time! lol) he asked me how my latest project was going. I explained some of the story line to him, things I wanted to change and also some things I wasn't too sure about. He listened, asked questions, made suggestions and was generally quite awesome.
What makes it more awesome is that my husband does not read fiction at all. Ever. He likes some movies, but the only reading he does is for seminary, his own research, or whatever the pastor is leading the board through at the time. So, the fact that he was engaging me in this was extra cool because I know he has no interest in fiction what-so-ever.
Not only did he listen and nod and ask another leading question in order to comply with the common sense rules and etiquette for social interactions, he asked what he knew would challenge and encourage me. He challenged my setting and asked me what I was doing to make sure people could connect with the characters as real people. He asked me what the "hook" was in my story. It was cool.
I've now been thinking that I need to be more like that in my conversations with him as well as with others, especially people in my church. We are called upon to spur one another on to love and good works. That will include me asking people about things that I couldn't give a hoot about, but I know are important to them, especially areas in which I know God is working and moving.
And while I don't think I'm going to do everything my husband suggested (ie. make an outline of my book from start to finish! Desecration!) it has got me thinking in broader terms that I know gives even more space for the Holy Spirit to work. And for that I am very very thankful.
Last night while we were out for dessert (remember how he owed me big time! lol) he asked me how my latest project was going. I explained some of the story line to him, things I wanted to change and also some things I wasn't too sure about. He listened, asked questions, made suggestions and was generally quite awesome.
What makes it more awesome is that my husband does not read fiction at all. Ever. He likes some movies, but the only reading he does is for seminary, his own research, or whatever the pastor is leading the board through at the time. So, the fact that he was engaging me in this was extra cool because I know he has no interest in fiction what-so-ever.
Not only did he listen and nod and ask another leading question in order to comply with the common sense rules and etiquette for social interactions, he asked what he knew would challenge and encourage me. He challenged my setting and asked me what I was doing to make sure people could connect with the characters as real people. He asked me what the "hook" was in my story. It was cool.
I've now been thinking that I need to be more like that in my conversations with him as well as with others, especially people in my church. We are called upon to spur one another on to love and good works. That will include me asking people about things that I couldn't give a hoot about, but I know are important to them, especially areas in which I know God is working and moving.
And while I don't think I'm going to do everything my husband suggested (ie. make an outline of my book from start to finish! Desecration!) it has got me thinking in broader terms that I know gives even more space for the Holy Spirit to work. And for that I am very very thankful.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
An Uplifting Conversation
Today I just wanted to share something a friend shared with me recently. We were having tea and talking about family and friends and the usual stuff girls chat about.
And then we started talking about our church.
We go to a wonderful church with a diversity of ages, interests, jobs, and passions. There are some very cool things happening in our church. But there are also some not cool things happening in our church. We didn't get into specifics with each other at all, but one point she made really stuck with me and I was very proud of her for being in a place in her life where she could think and say this.
She said, basically, that there's no point in complaining or wishing things were different if you weren't willing to get in there and help. There are always going to be things about any church we're a part of that we wish were different. But the turning point comes when we decide to roll up our sleeves, be thankful for what we DO have and work toward a better future for our church and community.
Like I said, I was really proud of her. She didn't sweep things under the rug. And I didn't pretend, "like a good pastor's wife" that nothing was going on. But neither did I sit there and gripe about so-and-so doing this-and-that (which some of my fellow PWs have been known to do).
We acknowledged that there are some issues and problems, but then went on to encourage each other pointing out how we had seen the other taking steps forward in love and showing a willingness to be involved and serve in the power of the Holy Spirit.
It was very uplifting and I hope I can have more conversations like that. And even if the other person isn't totally on board with it, I can still be encouraging in what I say and how I say it. It has really challenged me and I'm glad to have experienced it.
And then we started talking about our church.
We go to a wonderful church with a diversity of ages, interests, jobs, and passions. There are some very cool things happening in our church. But there are also some not cool things happening in our church. We didn't get into specifics with each other at all, but one point she made really stuck with me and I was very proud of her for being in a place in her life where she could think and say this.
She said, basically, that there's no point in complaining or wishing things were different if you weren't willing to get in there and help. There are always going to be things about any church we're a part of that we wish were different. But the turning point comes when we decide to roll up our sleeves, be thankful for what we DO have and work toward a better future for our church and community.
Like I said, I was really proud of her. She didn't sweep things under the rug. And I didn't pretend, "like a good pastor's wife" that nothing was going on. But neither did I sit there and gripe about so-and-so doing this-and-that (which some of my fellow PWs have been known to do).
We acknowledged that there are some issues and problems, but then went on to encourage each other pointing out how we had seen the other taking steps forward in love and showing a willingness to be involved and serve in the power of the Holy Spirit.
It was very uplifting and I hope I can have more conversations like that. And even if the other person isn't totally on board with it, I can still be encouraging in what I say and how I say it. It has really challenged me and I'm glad to have experienced it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thoughts On Infertility
In my blog "description" it says I'm waiting for motherhood. I don't totally like how that sounds. I'd rather it say something like: "I'm waiting for God to decide that the time is right for us to have kids. I'm waiting for what I know will be a huge blessing and challenge. I'm waiting for those little people who I miss, even though I've never met them before." Amongst other things.
But that's a little too wordy, so I just went with "motherhood". It's not so much that I want to be a mother, it's that I want kids. And while I know that those things are never mutually exclusive, I do see a bit of a division in my head. I am more looking forward to meeting them and getting to know them and live life with them, than just being the one who guides, teaches, and provides for them, though I am excited about that as well. :)
Infertility makes me feel like I am somehow unworthy of getting to know these small people. I know, know, know, know that this is not the case (there are so many people who are "unworthy" who have beautiful wonderful children). But it's how I feel. I feel like Jesus is reaching around me to hand people babies who are "behind me in line". And I know that's not how it works, but that's what it feels like. I have friends who weren't trying but got pregnant. They weren't even standing in line and Jesus walked up to them, tapped them on the shoulder, and handed them their precious baby.
That's tough.
And while my theology isn't based on this, it has made my relationship with God somewhat awkward. I still praise him and long for him and we have wonderful times in prayer and scripture and service together. But, yes, it has been tough because every time I come to him, I am reminded that I "have not" the very thing I have asked for.
I have knocked and no door has been opened. I have asked and not received. I have sought and not found. Every single prayer to him includes, "And please give us our children".
It's the huge baby elephant in the room and it is affecting my prayer life.
Do I keep asking and knocking (and kicking and screaming) like the persistent widow who finally got her way from the evil judge? Or do I "Be still and know that he is God"?
I think it's somehow both and I am striving to understand this and grow in it. So I have to elbow that baby elephant in the room aside and say "Make some room for me!". I still have to come before him, humble and ready for whatever he has for me, knowing it is good. And knowing HE is good, even if I miss those little ones I've never met - I have met my Holy Parent and he's offering himself for me to fill my aching, empty arms with.
But that's a little too wordy, so I just went with "motherhood". It's not so much that I want to be a mother, it's that I want kids. And while I know that those things are never mutually exclusive, I do see a bit of a division in my head. I am more looking forward to meeting them and getting to know them and live life with them, than just being the one who guides, teaches, and provides for them, though I am excited about that as well. :)
Infertility makes me feel like I am somehow unworthy of getting to know these small people. I know, know, know, know that this is not the case (there are so many people who are "unworthy" who have beautiful wonderful children). But it's how I feel. I feel like Jesus is reaching around me to hand people babies who are "behind me in line". And I know that's not how it works, but that's what it feels like. I have friends who weren't trying but got pregnant. They weren't even standing in line and Jesus walked up to them, tapped them on the shoulder, and handed them their precious baby.
That's tough.
And while my theology isn't based on this, it has made my relationship with God somewhat awkward. I still praise him and long for him and we have wonderful times in prayer and scripture and service together. But, yes, it has been tough because every time I come to him, I am reminded that I "have not" the very thing I have asked for.
I have knocked and no door has been opened. I have asked and not received. I have sought and not found. Every single prayer to him includes, "And please give us our children".
It's the huge baby elephant in the room and it is affecting my prayer life.
Do I keep asking and knocking (and kicking and screaming) like the persistent widow who finally got her way from the evil judge? Or do I "Be still and know that he is God"?
I think it's somehow both and I am striving to understand this and grow in it. So I have to elbow that baby elephant in the room aside and say "Make some room for me!". I still have to come before him, humble and ready for whatever he has for me, knowing it is good. And knowing HE is good, even if I miss those little ones I've never met - I have met my Holy Parent and he's offering himself for me to fill my aching, empty arms with.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Learning to submit: a funeral, frustration and reconciliation
I thought I'd share with you all an experience I had last night. It was a Thursday and as we all know, that's my husband's day off (doesn't everyone know that?). We worked on stripping and standing a table that my grandmother and grandfather started house with in 1950. We bought a rug for the living room floor and generally had a great day together.
We also knew that we had to go to the funeral of a family in our church's mother/grandmother. We try to be careful about doing too much "ministry" stuff on our day off, but both kids are in our youth group and, well, this is just different. We both knew we should go.
On the way back from getting the rug, my husband mentioned that he'd love to take me out for dessert after the funeral at a nice restaurant (we have a gift certificate! yea!). I was very excited about this. And having been raised a pastor's daughter and now married to one, I can very easily switch from funeral mode to dessert mode. Call it a spiritual gift.
Well, let me tell you, things did not go as planned. I didn't get to show my awesomeness of switching from one genre to the next seamlessly, as I had so hoped to do. Why? Because the funeral lasted for almost four hours. Four. Not forty minutes. Four hours. Needless to say we weren't expecting this and even my husband was getting a little weary sitting in the wooden-backed pews at the catholic church (we have blue cushy chairs in our sanctuary/multipurpose room).
About two hours in I leaned over and asked him what he thought about us staying. Translation: "I'm ready to go." We tried to say as little as possible as we whispered back and forth. It's not really kosher to have a huge conversation at a funeral. Long story short, he decided it'd be more loving to stay til the end and say hello to them.
Stay til the end. Great. He's picking them over me. And how awesome do I sound if I say, "No, I'd rather not shake the hands of a grieving family and minister Christ's love to them. I would rather go out and get something sugary and fattening to eat, please." Jerk City, here I come! But I didn't think we had to stay. It was the largest funeral I had ever been to and these people have so much family it's unbelievable. I didn't think we'd even be noticed, much less missed.
But my husband had made his decision and I had to submit to that. Submit.
Now I should explain that I am a first born, extremely strong willed person. I have always made good decisions for myself and have always done quite well as I sailed life's waters. So getting married has been wonderful and tough all at the same time. I submit because I have the Holy Spirit and He prompts me to and sustains me through it. But I can tell you it's not something that comes easy. And it's definitely not something I enjoy. In fact sometimes I get downright cheezed off.
That's right, cheezed off.
After the funeral, we skipped the refreshment line, hugged and chatted with the family. Looking back, I'm glad we did. But on the way home my husband began asking me all sorts of questions about my thoughts on the cultural differences on that funeral compared with others (it was a Nisgaa BC First Nations funeral). I finally had to say, "Not to be rude, but I'm not interested in talking right now. A few minutes of quiet would be helpful for me." And so the following hour as we got home and cleaned house for guests we will have this weekend was observed in silence, much like the previous four hours at the funeral, save for the occasional hymn.
But, honey, I wasn't singing any hymns as I clean my house last night. I should say, "as we cleaned our house". My clams had been thoroughly steamed and I wanted him to know I wasn't okay.
I never yell, throw things, say manipulative things or rant. I am a silent stone-wall turtle. But I usually soften, especially to my sweet husband.
We did end up talking about things and I saw things from his perspective and he saw things from mine. He was trying to do what he felt was the most loving. And we had just spent most of the day together and we didn't need to go out to the restaurant. Deep down in my heart, I know that if we did need that, we would have stood up between a hymn and a wreath laying and snuck out the back of the church.
Yes, I was frustrated, but I am so glad my husband did what he thought was right and loving, even if I wasn't too happy as a result of it. It doesn't happen all that often. And 95% of the time, he does what I suggest anyway.
I'm learning that it's better for our marriage, our church and our family (and safer for me) that my husband does what is right than just doing what he thinks will make others the most happy. Happiness is so short-term. But doing what is good and right and loving lasts far, far longer.
We went to sleep reconciled and happier. I'm still a little sad about missing out on a fun date, but that's okay. And I woke up praying for the bereaved family this morning. I'm glad God's working in my heart.
We also knew that we had to go to the funeral of a family in our church's mother/grandmother. We try to be careful about doing too much "ministry" stuff on our day off, but both kids are in our youth group and, well, this is just different. We both knew we should go.
On the way back from getting the rug, my husband mentioned that he'd love to take me out for dessert after the funeral at a nice restaurant (we have a gift certificate! yea!). I was very excited about this. And having been raised a pastor's daughter and now married to one, I can very easily switch from funeral mode to dessert mode. Call it a spiritual gift.
Well, let me tell you, things did not go as planned. I didn't get to show my awesomeness of switching from one genre to the next seamlessly, as I had so hoped to do. Why? Because the funeral lasted for almost four hours. Four. Not forty minutes. Four hours. Needless to say we weren't expecting this and even my husband was getting a little weary sitting in the wooden-backed pews at the catholic church (we have blue cushy chairs in our sanctuary/multipurpose room).
About two hours in I leaned over and asked him what he thought about us staying. Translation: "I'm ready to go." We tried to say as little as possible as we whispered back and forth. It's not really kosher to have a huge conversation at a funeral. Long story short, he decided it'd be more loving to stay til the end and say hello to them.
Stay til the end. Great. He's picking them over me. And how awesome do I sound if I say, "No, I'd rather not shake the hands of a grieving family and minister Christ's love to them. I would rather go out and get something sugary and fattening to eat, please." Jerk City, here I come! But I didn't think we had to stay. It was the largest funeral I had ever been to and these people have so much family it's unbelievable. I didn't think we'd even be noticed, much less missed.
But my husband had made his decision and I had to submit to that. Submit.
Now I should explain that I am a first born, extremely strong willed person. I have always made good decisions for myself and have always done quite well as I sailed life's waters. So getting married has been wonderful and tough all at the same time. I submit because I have the Holy Spirit and He prompts me to and sustains me through it. But I can tell you it's not something that comes easy. And it's definitely not something I enjoy. In fact sometimes I get downright cheezed off.
That's right, cheezed off.
After the funeral, we skipped the refreshment line, hugged and chatted with the family. Looking back, I'm glad we did. But on the way home my husband began asking me all sorts of questions about my thoughts on the cultural differences on that funeral compared with others (it was a Nisgaa BC First Nations funeral). I finally had to say, "Not to be rude, but I'm not interested in talking right now. A few minutes of quiet would be helpful for me." And so the following hour as we got home and cleaned house for guests we will have this weekend was observed in silence, much like the previous four hours at the funeral, save for the occasional hymn.
But, honey, I wasn't singing any hymns as I clean my house last night. I should say, "as we cleaned our house". My clams had been thoroughly steamed and I wanted him to know I wasn't okay.
I never yell, throw things, say manipulative things or rant. I am a silent stone-wall turtle. But I usually soften, especially to my sweet husband.
We did end up talking about things and I saw things from his perspective and he saw things from mine. He was trying to do what he felt was the most loving. And we had just spent most of the day together and we didn't need to go out to the restaurant. Deep down in my heart, I know that if we did need that, we would have stood up between a hymn and a wreath laying and snuck out the back of the church.
Yes, I was frustrated, but I am so glad my husband did what he thought was right and loving, even if I wasn't too happy as a result of it. It doesn't happen all that often. And 95% of the time, he does what I suggest anyway.
I'm learning that it's better for our marriage, our church and our family (and safer for me) that my husband does what is right than just doing what he thinks will make others the most happy. Happiness is so short-term. But doing what is good and right and loving lasts far, far longer.
We went to sleep reconciled and happier. I'm still a little sad about missing out on a fun date, but that's okay. And I woke up praying for the bereaved family this morning. I'm glad God's working in my heart.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hello, my name is...
Hello, World. I'm going to try to blog again. This time I have more of a vision, and I'm excited to see where things are going to go. I guess I just want to be an encouragement to other Christian women out there who are finding their way through a messy world. I am married to the world's awesomest man who is the associate/youth pastor at the Fellowship Baptist church here in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada. We've lived here for about three years and we are loving our ministry and are amazed by the different people God has allowed us to meet.
I am also waiting to be a mother. Infertility is a tough road to walk down, but God has taught me many things in the 22 months that we've been waiting for our babies. I'm hoping to share some of my thoughts about this issue on here in an attempts to be an encouragement to someone else.
I am also an aspiring writer! It's something I've loved to do my whole life and God has used in many ways. I'm feeling like it might be something he has for me on a more regular basis, so I'm trying to be obedient in that area. Please forgive me if I try some "cool" techniques on you all. :)
I'd appreciate your prayers as I follow God in these areas of my life
Many blessings.
Oh, and my name is Katie Mawhorter.
I am also waiting to be a mother. Infertility is a tough road to walk down, but God has taught me many things in the 22 months that we've been waiting for our babies. I'm hoping to share some of my thoughts about this issue on here in an attempts to be an encouragement to someone else.
I am also an aspiring writer! It's something I've loved to do my whole life and God has used in many ways. I'm feeling like it might be something he has for me on a more regular basis, so I'm trying to be obedient in that area. Please forgive me if I try some "cool" techniques on you all. :)
I'd appreciate your prayers as I follow God in these areas of my life
Many blessings.
Oh, and my name is Katie Mawhorter.
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